the art of resolutioning

7:10 PM

i wrote this for the clocktower and i think its one of my best. not sure why/how i was so inspired, but i will not complain.

I've never seen Bambi. The farthest west I've ever gone is...Nebraska? The expression "it's like riding a bike" doesn't apply to me, since I never learned how. My attempts at adding another instrument to my repetoire have left me with (still) just the piano. I've tried to read the classics, but I always end up on Sparknotes. I buy new journals because they're pretty, but I've never kept one for longer than a month. When I realize I should start journaling again, I buy a new one. (Hence the collection.)

If the quality of my life was determined by the amount of succesful New Years resolutions, it wouldn't be worth much. Even with my history, though, I never hesitate to make new ones, always taking advantage of the momentum a new number brings. It seems silly not plan for changes when a new year grants a clean slate and the opportunity the start over. After all, this year might actually be different.

I read somewhere that if resolutions remained so, we wouldn't need to make new ones. If I had stuck with my hopes of road-tripping the West Coast, there would be no need to add it to my list for this year. Just like drinking more water, or reading more books, I've confused resolutions for regrets, as if changing the last digit of the date can counter 20 years of bad habits. The difference between December 31 and January 1 is only a day, and yet it carries ages of contrition and the potential to let yourself down once again.

This is not to say that resolutions don't work and you're setting yourself up for failure. Any opportunity for improvement is rare and deserves full usage. It's finding the stamina to last 12 months of change that I find difficult. One year from now seems far, far away. (Just the thought of doing P90X for 90 days is overwhelming). Looking back,however, last year was but a blink. I can't help but wonder what today would be like if I hadn't forgotten to continue changing.

What I've finally discovered is that at the very core of every resolution is a renewed dedication to discipline. Discipline is simply a desicion of behavior: what you want now vs. what you want most. Whatever it is that we have decided needs to be different--body, study habits, sense of adventure, cleanliness, or even spiritual life--change comes to those who work for it today.