isn't ever what it seems.
it's not an "i'm sorry" that rises above decades of similar apologies.
it's not one day of drinking your body weight in water,
or applying your new acne treatment to wake up free of insecurities.
it's not one treacherous ride on a treadmill.
it's not one google search, one job application, one resume submission.
it's not one "no" among the company of "just one more" 's.
it's not the time to stop and adjust.
it isn't disposable,
a one-time action to counteract habits of atomic proportions.

it nags and bites and hurts and tires.
it isn't reckless,
or careful.
valuable.
No.
Change is not what we most treasure
(or even like.)
it is the outcome of what we let ourselves settle for.
it is the sum of strides towards what we deserve.
you fight to hold on.
you fight to let go.
you can either wish to go back to summer,
or not let it find you the same.