Stupid Boys at the Gym,
              my $3 Walgreens headphones are not the soundproof Beats you are imagining, and if everything you are saying about my body is true, i must be in the perfect place to change it.

Impatient Restaurant Customers,
              my 2 arms, crocs, and penguin legs can only carry so many things so fast, and if the standard you  have set for simultaneous: speed of service/attitude/lack of respect/lousy tips is realistic, i must be asking for too much.

Murphy Express Gas Station on Lee Highway,
              my trusty steed, Donny J, favors your gas prices over any other, and even if every other gas station in Chattanooga knew you were practically giving it away, i'd remain loyal to you.

iPhone Users that are my Facebook Friends,
               my iMessage is not one to lie, and if you are too busy to text back but not too busy to update your status, i must have too much time on my hands.

77 Year Old Cashier at Wal-Mart,
               i don't mind how long it takes to get rung up or how many times you have asked me to donate to the children's miracle network because hearing the same compliment about my eyes everytime you see makes it worth it.

Every Girl that Works at SunTan City,
               my membership is the cheapest monthly option. my name is pronounced Mary-Ella. my skin tans just fine on its own. nothing has changed since 3 months ago, and if i still don't look like i was cut from the same leather as you, i must be doing something right.

Anyone that has Ever Trained for a Run,
               my calendar tells me i'm only 2 weeks in, and if enjoying any moment of my 2-a-days is normal, i must have signed up for the wrong kind of K.

Sincerely,
Mari