Everything is.
My job: wonderful.
My family: bigger.
My fiancé....
fiancé.
I have a fiancé.
I have a fiancé?
Fiance.
My body,
my strong, resilient body.
My 26-year-old skin.
My ever-swollen feet.
None are what they used to be
and I think that might be ok,
(which is also different).
It's not that blogging became less important,
and it's not that I'm too busy.
I mean, I am,
but for some reason,
coming here
is different.
I've mistaken transparency for clarity
and when it mattered most I had neither.
I am madly in love
with an incredible man.
And I am experiencing a love
I didn't know existed.
It is unwavering.
It is forgiving.
It is patient.
I am both happy and stressed,
exhausted and excited.
because what is different is also familiar.
I still worry about timelines
but in the context of a wedding.
I make dinner most nights
but now I'm cooking for 2.
The last 3 times I cried
were because of overwhelming joy.
I find myself thinking 5 years down the road
(instead of the 5 years that have passed).
I'm a designer among designers,
a runner among runners.
I'm worried about savings
but also my manicure.
I listen to NPR
and I never go out to eat.
For being such unchartered territory,
such difference has been comfortable to navigate
and I am full of peace.
My job: wonderful.
My family: bigger.
My fiancé....
fiancé.
I have a fiancé.
I have a fiancé?
Fiance.
My body,
my strong, resilient body.
My 26-year-old skin.
My ever-swollen feet.
None are what they used to be
and I think that might be ok,
(which is also different).
It's not that blogging became less important,
and it's not that I'm too busy.
I mean, I am,
but for some reason,
coming here
is different.
I've mistaken transparency for clarity
and when it mattered most I had neither.
I am madly in love
with an incredible man.
And I am experiencing a love
I didn't know existed.
It is unwavering.
It is forgiving.
It is patient.
I am both happy and stressed,
exhausted and excited.
because what is different is also familiar.
I still worry about timelines
but in the context of a wedding.
I make dinner most nights
but now I'm cooking for 2.
The last 3 times I cried
were because of overwhelming joy.
I find myself thinking 5 years down the road
(instead of the 5 years that have passed).
I'm a designer among designers,
a runner among runners.
I'm worried about savings
but also my manicure.
I listen to NPR
and I never go out to eat.
For being such unchartered territory,
such difference has been comfortable to navigate
and I am full of peace.
