Forget:
what you heard. it's not true.
the deadline: graduation is not the cut-off point for finding a husband.
sugar.
mean people.
settling for what you don't actually like.
searching for happiness.
the boxes girls should live in.
stress.
perfection.
matching.
apologizing for what you want.
doing it all yourself.
haters.
whoever has what you don't.
couples that aren't meant to last.
couples.
stupid rules.
the ideal body.
fear.


Remember:
happy is a choice.
to take pictures.
Amos Lee.
the feeling after you workout.
who matters most.
to learn wierd things.
the bad times.
the best times.
what you're really after.
the consequences of having hott friends.
Jesus.
everybody's a little lost.
yourself.
balance.
to say it out loud.
to do your research.
to not be the middle man. ever.
collect 10 hugs a day.

It's really late and i can't sleep. again.
it's the third night in a row i lie awake,
coughing
thinking
praying
to the bottom of the bunk above me.
I don't understand why i'm still
stuck--
on another one that isn't the one
on old habits
on the things i hate the most--
and can't move on to the good part,
the part where i let you
write my love story
make permanent improvements
forget about what i'm not.
the truth is




you're really far.
or maybe its just me and
my biggest fear all along
was getting so far
i'd never come back.
i forget
every time
that instead of sending pigeons
or smoke signals,
you keep me awake.
i learn the hard way
nothing fills what's missing
when i don't want you to
fill me.
they all change their minds,
or leave
or find a way to take a the piece they like.
and all that's left
is me.
coughing.

i think i'm out of ideas already..

I spent my summer in crocs.

I spent my summer begging the sun to toast my skin.

I spent my summer rolling silverware. Polishing wine glasses.

I spent my summer sorting plates in a dish pit.

I spent my summer in a sweaty gym.

I spent my summer with John.

I spent my summer on a scale.

I spent my summer changing the unchangable.

I spent my summer planning her wedding.

I spent my summer fighting weakness.

I spent my summer getting to know a boy, avoiding the inevitable.

I spent my summer counting money.

I spent my summer in a chef coat.

I spent my summer with my hair up.

I spent my summer painting my nails.

I spent my summer avoiding graduation.

I spent my summer missing friends.

I spent my summer getting away.

I spent my summer doing lunges.

I spent my summer fighting tears.

I spent my summer driving: island, to mainland, and back.

I spent my summer learning the words to a song i'll never sing.

I spent my summer searching for protein.

I spent my summer finding style.

I broke through layers. I became myself more quickly. I let him in. I let them all in.

I spent my summer introducing my myself: Mariela, like Cinderella.