"For we have all received from His fullness one gracious gift after another."
a car that never leaves me.
hair good enough to never think about.
housemates that care. A lot.
a boss that spoils me.
health.
health.
health.
an able body that reaches and stretches and sweats and burns.
ajob career.
having enough.
being enough.
my little corner of a really great house.
my mom. my dad. my sister. my grandma.
a protective heart.
an instinctive head.
my shoe closet.
my scarf collection.
a never-ending supply of vanilla soy milk
and cheerios.
a God that is uninterested in
what i brought
but is obsessed with
how long i'm here.
a disposable(ish) income.
a selfish age.
a single life.
friends that aren't just friends anymore--
they're seats around the table at my
imaginary wedding.
they're praying hands
worried
that i'm doing ok.
they're pokes in my side
to make sure
i am.
for the 12 rock bottoms.
for Bad.
for Worse.
for Better.
Thank you.
a car that never leaves me.
hair good enough to never think about.
housemates that care. A lot.
a boss that spoils me.
health.
health.
health.
an able body that reaches and stretches and sweats and burns.
a
having enough.
being enough.
my little corner of a really great house.
my mom. my dad. my sister. my grandma.
a protective heart.
an instinctive head.
my shoe closet.
my scarf collection.
a never-ending supply of vanilla soy milk
and cheerios.
a God that is uninterested in
what i brought
but is obsessed with
how long i'm here.
a disposable(ish) income.
a selfish age.
a single life.
friends that aren't just friends anymore--
they're seats around the table at my
imaginary wedding.
they're praying hands
worried
that i'm doing ok.
they're pokes in my side
to make sure
i am.
for the 12 rock bottoms.
for Bad.
for Worse.
for Better.
Thank you.
i'm home,
in the hold of the ones you seem to
just kinda
forget
because their love is never
forced
questioned
requested
and you don't have to
try.
because really,
trying is tiring.
trying should be saved for
what's beyond
control,
what you can't help but
have to suffer.
trying is what keeps you
awake
late at night,
unnatural,
necessary.
try
for what needs to be
fought.
try
for the messy stuff.
but when it comes to
matters of the heart--
familyfriendslovepassionpurpose
--just be.
I don’t know what to do.
Or maybe I do,
but I don’t have the strength to.
Regardless,
today’s prayer is not just about
peace
like every other day since
June.
Because
God’s not choosy with His
blessings.
Because He wants our ultimate
happiness.
Because He just wants
Us--
in whatever state of emergency
we have found a way to
settle.
Today,
I pray not just for an
outpouring of
Peace,
but also for the
spirit
it takes to
wait for it
or
go find it,
the will
it takes to accept
even if it
never comes.
Or maybe I do,
but I don’t have the strength to.
Regardless,
today’s prayer is not just about
peace
like every other day since
June.
Because
God’s not choosy with His
blessings.
Because He wants our ultimate
happiness.
Because He just wants
Us--
in whatever state of emergency
we have found a way to
settle.
Today,
I pray not just for an
outpouring of
Peace,
but also for the
spirit
it takes to
wait for it
or
go find it,
the will
it takes to accept
even if it
never comes.
I've decided to end October
with a bang.
(Pun intentions unclear.)
It's not that I have all that much
to say on the topic,
because really,
who volunteers for such
discomfort.
I just think
I've got it all wrong/
It's time to get it right.
I can already say:
I'm either
a big fat liar
or
in the deepest of denial
to think
God doesn't have much to do with it--
as if up until
this sudden reveal
they lived in separate
territories.
Maturity is:
pride in the things that
most make you
blush.
Days like today
arrows, lines, Arial Bold,
make it impossible to see
any kind of lit tunnel.
Pinterest tells me
life is an
adventure.
The kind you choose,
not the result of unfortunate sarcasm.
Today was not an adventure.
Today was
directionals.
Black on white.
Square cut.
Obvious.
I am grateful for stability
and if I were to be completely
blog honest,
I'd wish for a change of
heart
not a change of
jobbodymaritalstatuswardrobeiphone.
I am of the Comparables,
too busy looking around
instead of standing up
straight
against the wall
and measuring up.
To myself.
Everytime.