Everything

(weddings,
the car accident that made things better,
weight battles,
my first apartment,
my first new car,
my first raise,
too many flings,
heartbreak,
the fourth of July,
Dollywood,
a solid birthday,
not even one holiday without family,
Bahamas!
angry texts,
all the sickness,
all the haircuts,
all the things i bought and never used,
the 5k that was actually easy,
(never enough) concerts,
lonely saturday nights,
lonely weekdays,
loneliness,
everything that hurt,
everything i dreaded,
the memories made with people i'd rather forget,
every spin class,
every Bang Wednesday,
every printed typo,
every morning I wanted to snooze indefinitely
because I forgot to keep searching for purpose,
the tears,
the sweat,
the exhaustion)

has lead to this moment--
understanding my worth and
choosing to fulfill it.
If I had to sum up 2013 into one word, it was the year of
growth;
not quite done straddling
but closer than ever to the end of the line
between young and adult.

Is it weird that I want to be one of these girls?

If there's one thing this
relationship
has taught me,
it's that I
don't
do well with
defeat.

Maybe this makes me
stubborn,
immature,
still not ready for
grown up things like these--
comparing our hearts to
a battle
sometimes against each other
sometimes against the odds
mostly against ourselves--

I choose to take this flaw
as a sign
that despite our
absolute best efforts,
we are meant to feel,
not fail.